Guy
Toothache
06/02/10 00:11
Toothache is a monster who has eaten too much Halloween candy without brushing his teeth.
His hygienist tells him he should floss more.
His orthodontist tells him it’s going to cost five grand.
His dentist has given up the practice and become a plumber.
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Mister Monster With An Attitude
01/02/10 00:09
Scaring ordinary people is for peasants.
The really high class monsters scare Prime Ministers...
Or the President...
Or the Queen in her bath tub...
Says Mister Monster With An Attitude.
Of course, the Queen in a bath tub is pretty scary as well.
Barbell
28/01/10 01:37
Barbell wants to be a muscle monster.
So he exercises twelve hours a day.
He drinks energy drinks by the gallon.
Whatever you do, don’t arm wrestle with him.
The Ugly Cat
24/01/10 00:11
I am the Ugly Cat and I want you to love me.
I will purr for you.
Sit on your feet in order to warm them.
Scratch your back with my razor-sharp claws.
The Monster Politician
20/01/10 00:20
“Trust Me” he says.
But would you really?
I know I wouldn’t.
Come election time, I’m voting for another horrific monster.
Bad Dresser
15/01/10 00:18
Bad Dresser doesn't like to shop for clothes.
He's been wearing the same black leotards for years now.
He thinks he looks cool...
Someone should tell him the Culture Club look is no longer in.
Karate Crusher
11/01/10 00:40
I am the Karate Crusher and I'd like to give you a free self defense lesson!
No? You'd rather pass?
Wait, don't run off just yet!
I still want what's in your wallet, heh heh heh...
Ludwig
07/01/10 01:03
Ludwig is in a band called the Feminine Skulls.
He sings songs like, “I’m with the Outer Space Pumpkin”...
Or “Cute monster girls never invite me”...
And their masterpiece, “Nobody understands the monster inside my head!”
Power Skull
03/01/10 00:39
I am Power Skull, a super hero who had his head zapped by a ray gun.
I still fight for truth, justice and the American way...
But lately, however, I have been having trouble remembering...
Just what that used to mean exactly.
Chickooglah
30/12/09 00:40
Chickooglah comes from a planet where barbecues have been banned.
His kind also frown on tex-mex sauce.
All because some years ago some hungry astronaut explorers landed there...
A dark day no one likes to remember.
Peter Plunder
26/12/09 00:45
Peter Plunder joined Weight Watchers last month and lost two pounds.
That’s about one kilogram in metric.
He’s so happy he could give you a great big hug.
That would break you in two.
Santa Snake
22/12/09 01:03
Santa Snake is delivering the gifts this year.
He swallowed the real Santa whole last July and has completely digested him since then.
Along with another elf last October, he was delicious as well.
Now he wishes you a monstrously happy holiday season!
Oh, and by the way...
Would you happen to know if you taste good?
You seem like a savvy internet surfer to us! Yep, no doubt about it. So why don’t you click here to download this image, to use as a Christmas card that you can attach in an email that you can send to all your friends. Way cool! It’s cheaper than a bunch of stamps! And so much more hip.
The Blue Witch
18/12/09 00:40
The Blue Witch only throws spells that do good instead of evil.
However, it's kind of hard to decide what is right and wrong.
Plus there are limits to what she can do.
For example, her magic is not strong enough to revive TV shows that have been canceled.
The Half Mummy
13/12/09 00:05
Imhotep was taking a bath when the high priests decided to mummify him.
“Wait a minute,” he said. “Aren’t you supposed to wait until I am dead before doing that?”
The head high priest replied, “You see it’s this way...”
“We had a union meeting tonight, and it always ends late, so we decided not to wait.”
Flyhorn
08/12/09 01:11
My name is Flyhorn and I like to eat in five star restaurants.
I prefer French cuisine, but sometimes I go for vegan as well.
My favorite dish is sautéed autruche à l’orange.
With a nice chablis, mmm-hmmm.
I live a sweet life.
Moon Howler
04/12/09 20:11
I am the Moon Howler and I live to scream my head off once a month in the middle of the night.
Ah-wooOOo!
The neighbors don’t appreciate my hobby but I’m hoping one day they will learn to appreciate it.
They have no choice.
Otto the chef
08/07/09 22:20
I haven't really changed my muffin recipe,
I make them always the same way.
But some muffins end up with more fruit in them,
And others with more chocolat.
But one thing is always the same.
I AM HUNGRY!!
Albert
03/07/09 01:40
Who is Albert?
He's one of the scariest monsters to appear in your nightmares in some time.
You see, Albert is not a newcomer to frightening people.
He's even been an actor in a horror movie involving a giant mutant cheese cake come to life and turned loose.
Little Red Devil
28/06/09 00:44
I’m no Blueberry filled with red.
Nor an angry cherry.
I’m a little red devil!
Why doesn’t anybody take me seriously?
The Ogunquit Beach monster
23/06/09 02:25
I'm the Ogunquit beach monster
I used to be a gentle little fishy
But so many people peed in the water
That I've mutated into an unspeakable atrocity
Luciano the Singing Dragon
18/06/09 22:19
Luciano is a dragon that cannot breathe fire.
Every time he tries, the only thing that comes out of his mouth is a crystal clear melody.
Perché le divinità contro di lui?
Poor Luciano is sad because he's not like the other dragons.
And yet his beautiful voice is a gift, not a curse.
Mr. Surf
13/06/09 00:50
Mr. Surf is a happy Bronntt today.
The three suns of Betelgeuse are shining on planet Terror.
A very good day indeed to go swimming in Swamp Lake.
With a little luck he may even meet a cute Bronntt in a bikini.
Momo the Beast
08/06/09 01:28
Hi there, I’m Momo.
Do you want to be my friend? I accidently ate the last one.
Don’t worry, it wasn’t on purpose.
We were playing hide and seek and he thought that hiding behind my two-storey high insect sandwich was a good idea.
He should have known better.
So do you want to be my friend?
Goliath the Vampire Bat
02/06/09 00:14
Hello, I’m Goliath the Vampire Bat,
an undead winged creature fluttering through the night.
I’m looking for a provocatively presented neck so I can bite into it before the sun rises.
Could you point me in a good direction?
Don’t worry for the victim, it won’t hurt a bite...
Um, I mean a bit.
Harry, the Monster Who Thought He could Fly
27/05/09 02:20
Please meet Harry, the optimistic monster who thought he could fly.
Everybody kept on telling him he would NEVER fly.
But, Harry believed in himself.
He tried every way he could think of.
The catapult... no good.
The giant sling-shot... not practical.
The Weight Watchers™ diet... no fun.
Then one day, he met Graveyard Boogie, a monster who would twirl him up in the air.
And you know what? That did the trick.
Now everyone calls him Harry the flying monster.
Can you hear him now?
He's yelling, "Catch me!!!"
Benny the Beatnik
21/05/09 00:27
Hi, I’m Benny the Beatnik.
I'm going to Wild Thing's barbecue this evening.
He sometimes burns the hot-dog buns, but he sure knows how to throw great parties!!
I think that Laughing Spider will be there as well, she’s really hot.
I'll make sure to put my best foot forward.
Velvet
16/05/09 00:51
I’m Velvet the worm, Strawberry Boy’s best friend.
We hang out together a lot, behind grocery stores or cemeteries.
Ya, I’ve seen you too before.
Around March 24th if I’m not mistaken.
So what are you doing at midnight?
Hungry Ectoplasm
11/05/09 01:42
Something wicked is coming your way.
An orange shape that violates every law of nature.
Guided by its voracious appetite, it devours all it touches.
This is the Hungry Ectoplasm and you’d better run before it’s too late.
The Big Green
04/05/09 00:37
He wishes he was on the big screen
But that won't happen for the Big Green
It's clear that he doesn't have the talent
Of Kermit the Frog or the Green Giant.
The monster girl who liked the ice cream man much too much
26/04/09 00:45
The monster girl who liked the ice cream man much too much
Sat waiting patiently all winter long
Until the day she finally heard the wondrous sound she had hoped to hear
Of the ice cream man's truck approaching
She then knew the wait was over and rushed to the truck to claim her treat...
He was delicious...
Cimex Lectularius
16/04/09 00:23
My name is Cimex Lectularius.
I’m a bed bug.
I might not look terrifying but imagine a gazillion of little creatures like me.
Today the hotel room... Tomorrow the World.
The spider in the Easter Bunny costume
12/04/09 00:35
Look at the little spider
She’s proud in her bunny costume
Sadly she doesn't realize
How frightening she is with her three eyes
Razmagul
31/03/09 00:33
This is the Razmagul.
In the monster kingdom, this is the least intelligent creature.
OK, intelligence is an abstract concept.
So let’s say that he’s plain stupid.
End of the lesson.
Angry Blood Orange
23/03/09 00:30
I’m the Angry Blood Orange.
My juice is often a dark burgundy colour.
I found a niche as an interesting ingredient variation on traditional Seville marmalade, with my striking red streaks and distinct flavour.
I learn something new every day.
Lucreature of Space
18/03/09 00:35
Lucreature of Space
She comes from the Great White North
The Montreal Olympic Stadium is her Spaceship.
She might not be a beauty but she sure is a sweety.
Bogster
14/03/09 00:52
My name is Bogster.
I don’t like to shave in the morning.
I like tall women.
Nobody understands me.
Please love me!
Lucy Fur
10/03/09 00:37
My name is Lucy Fur.
It’s not a crown, it’s a tuft of hair.
My hobby is listening to the neighbors talk about my hair.
My worst enemy is Jean-Luc.
Bringo
05/03/09 21:04
My name is Bringo.
I like the Beatles.
My hobby is to enter Ringo Starr look alike contests.
I love carrots because they’re good for your eyesight.