My name is Bjorn the Red
I conquered Europe and America a long time ago.
I'm still around in your nightmares.
My favorite color is crimson with a hint of magenta.

Hello, I am Sal the Space Tour Guide and BOY!
Do I have a deal for you!
A one-day saucer ride to the Alpha Centauri galaxy, dinner and supper included, there's even a supernova in progress there, it's awesome!
How would you like to see that? You bet you would!
How much for the tour? A bargain! Only sixteen anti-matter coins.
What? Come again?
You don't know what an anti-matter coin is?
Hey VINNIE! I thought you said they had anti-matter coins on this planet, you dunce!

I’m no Blueberry filled with red.
Nor an angry cherry.
I’m a little red devil!
Why doesn’t anybody take me seriously?

Modred, a dead cursed after his defeat by King Arthur,
In the underworld sank he, further and further,
Until the Evil One suggested a brand new Creator,
And so Modred is now Head Demon of Plunder and Slaughter.

You see a flash of light in the sky...
It’s the Rocket from Mars!
Get onboard!
It will show you wonders you have never seen before.
Go!

"The space gods are returning in their flying chariots," declared Angry Maya, as she stood before a group of her tribe in the amazon forest five hundred years ago.
She paused for dramatic effect.
"They will punish the conquistadors and save us!" she cried to her countrymen, who felt very relieved to hear this prediction.
Unfortunately for Angry Maya, the UFOs never came.

Winston is an ornery fellow who always carries a grudge.
He used to have friends, but one by one...
For a little this or a little that...
Winston found them each in turn as guilty to his eyes as murder to the judge.
And so Winston does not forget, and does not forgive,
for as long as he will live.

I'm the Ogunquit beach monster
I used to be a gentle little fishy
But so many people peed in the water
That I've mutated into an unspeakable atrocity

The Devil Fireman decides when it's time to put out the house on fire,
He likes to take it right down to the wire,
The other firemen wait firehose in hand for something to transpire,
But the Devil Fireman says he's fairly sure no one will expire.

The easiest thing in the world for a Monster to do is to show his teeth.
That’s why my canines are so predominantly present.
I could bore you for hours about the importance of oral hygiene.
But let me just tell you this one simple thing:
A toothbrush is good, but flossing is essential.

My name is Willem and I'm your new next door neighbor.
If you hear a cat shrieking at midnight,
and smell something strange like a soup with too much spices burning,
and see hooded figure chanting around a fire in my back yard...
Please go back to sleep.

I am the Space Jester, trying to make you laugh.
If you are glum I'll use every trick I have to get a snicker.
Or a grin, a giggle or at the very least a smirk.
In the name of humor, I will refuse to leave if your mood is gloomy.
And when you are cheerful again, I will hand you my bill.
Then we can start all over again.

Luciano is a dragon that cannot breathe fire.
Every time he tries, the only thing that comes out of his mouth is a crystal clear melody.
Perché le divinità contro di lui?
Poor Luciano is sad because he's not like the other dragons.
And yet his beautiful voice is a gift, not a curse.

Better go, here's a warning (now)
Just run any way you like
Primordial lightning! And thunder!
You never know where it's gonna strike
Our love's in jeopardy, Fishface, Ooooh-ooh-oooooh!
Our love's in jeopardy, Fishface, Ooooh-ooh-oooooh!

(Peace and Love to Greg Kihn)

Hey there! Do you recognize me? It’s me, Oswalde, the toy of the month giveaway when you order a happy meal at MonsterBurger, the number one fast-food chain in monster land.
They've got all kinds of cool meals like barbecued bat wings, swamp lake cocktails, and blue goop.
Making you hungry? Just bring the whole family!

Hello, I find it very annoying when people say to me,
"I am busy as a Bizby."
Because Bizby is my name and I'm not a particularly busy fellow.
What's that? A bee?
Where? I don't see any bees.

I'm Ooglah and I really like my new jumpsuit.
It's stretchy like spandex but it breathes well, unlike polyester which would make me sweat a lot.
It's anti-stain too, and so comfortable, I can even sleep in it like pajamas.
My jumpsuit is eggshell color, and it's very robust:
I can go on a ten-year space expedition and it will never wear out.
Now that's a jumpsuit.

Mr. Surf is a happy Bronntt today.
The three suns of Betelgeuse are shining on planet Terror.
A very good day indeed to go swimming in Swamp Lake.
With a little luck he may even meet a cute Bronntt in a bikini.

Mister Talks Too Loud just broke another crystal glass,
He strengthened his voice by singing alone with the organ at mass,
He makes a loud tuba sound as quiet as an inert gas,
So deafening the roar of a jet plane taking off he will surpass,
Already he is the subject of an advanced biology class.

I am the monster in your carburator.
You hear a growling noise under the hood, well that’s me revving your motor.
I am in control.
Don’t even think of trying to add an additive in your fuel to clean me out.
I’m sticking with you.

Freddy the Fly's fauteuil fetched a few dollars on eBay.
Fancifully described as a "palace on four legs", the furniture in fact tended to wobble a bit, therefore,
Freddy the Fly had fibbed to fuel a fearsome bidding war.
Finally, the fauve colored chair was acquired by a foolish foreigner.

I am Kroko the Conqueror! Kroko the Conqueror!
Some think me subhuman,
but I have 500 crewmen
with their fingers on the trigger
of each ray gun in my flying saucer!

Hi there, I’m Momo.
Do you want to be my friend? I accidently ate the last one.
Don’t worry, it wasn’t on purpose.
We were playing hide and seek and he thought that hiding behind my two-storey high insect sandwich was a good idea.
He should have known better.
So do you want to be my friend?

Butterfly Man flutter by
There are no fences in the sky
Busy on you flower circuit
Guessing your path is worth it

Turlututu-tac-tac-tac! I’m Victronix-nix-nix-nix, the translating monster-er-er-er.
Do you know how many different monster dialects there are-are-are?
About as many as there are monster species.
And I know them all-all-all.
For example, the phrase «you have smelly feet-eet-eet-eet» in the Gra-Tox language is,
«Gomar tel prout-out-out-out».
Oh, so you think I'm making this up?

I am ga-ga over Geena the Gronk!
She honks and hoots like no other gronk I know.
She leans over to one side and puckers her ruby lips,
and out comes a really loud honk!

I am the Boring Bronze Statue That Just Came To Life,
bad weather and pigeons were my daily strife.
Left arm half-raised in a solemn wave,
a silly gesture implying I was somehow brave.
Graffiti covers the name on my plaque,
and running green rust stains tarnish my back.
Nothing to hold me still any longer,
the urge to leave has kept getting stronger.
Suddenly aware now of the moist ground beneath my feet,
I am off to find a new existence sweet.

Today is our birthday, already monsteraday.com has given birth to ONE HUNDRED MONSTERS! That's a veritable army of fearsome grotesques, malevolent miscreations, inhuman behemoths, leering hellions, lumbering leviathans and slobbering beasties!

And more are on the way, that's a promise!

Thank you for clicking us and stay tuned for the next one hundred and beyond!

I am Lightning Horsie, neigh I say! Kaboom!
Thunder strikes whenever I open my mouth! Crash, bam, foom!
Then it rains and it pours,
And I scramble on all fours,
To flash you away into the night.
Giddyup!
(guest artist: Josquin, 4 1/2 year old)

Hello, I’m Goliath the Vampire Bat,
an undead winged creature fluttering through the night.
I’m looking for a provocatively presented neck so I can bite into it before the sun rises.
Could you point me in a good direction?
Don’t worry for the victim, it won’t hurt a bite...
Um, I mean a bit.

I am a Publicsectorosaurus and my species relies on very old statistics to make a committee decision.
I am a herbivore. If food becomes too scarce, I call in to protest to my union.
If a predator comes too close to my flock, I call in sick with a burnout.
My species has been around for what seems to be millions of years.