Jan 2010
Abe
31/01/10 00:49 Filed in: Bert
Abe is a stern monster, he always looks like he's scowling.
Maybe he's too serious.
Or maybe he's angry, it's hard to tell.
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The Framed Devil
30/01/10 01:49 Filed in: Benjamin
The Devil you see is not just a picture.
The demon is alive in the framed painting!
When your back is turned, it moves!
And when you turn around you don't notice a thing...
Sweet, sweet Marie
29/01/10 00:12 Filed in: Robert
Sweet, sweet Marie has no boyfriends.
Guys think she's too tall.
But she's a really nice girl, smart and perky.
You won't know how perky...
Until you kiss her blue lips!
Barbell
28/01/10 01:37 Filed in: Guy
Barbell wants to be a muscle monster.
So he exercises twelve hours a day.
He drinks energy drinks by the gallon.
Whatever you do, don’t arm wrestle with him.
Mitridatus, the colossus
27/01/10 00:30 Filed in: Bert
Mitridatus, the colossus was big! Huge! Ginormous even!
He was so tall, people's necks hurt looking up!
He was so big, when he flexed his biceps it cause a wind storm!
When he walked, the ground shook and cable internet went out!
Front and Back Jacks
26/01/10 01:45 Filed in: Benjamin
Front and Back Jacks never face the same way as each other.
One looks North, the other South.
When one Jack looks East, the other Jack looks West.
Years ago when playing cowboys and Indians, they made a pact to cover each other's back, forever and ever.
They've taken the pact a little too seriously.
Kibitzorr
25/01/10 00:17 Filed in: Robert
Kibitzorr likes to talk about the weather.
He thinks tomorrow is going to be cooler by two degrees.
He says next week there will be a heat wave.
And the week after a new ice age.
The Ugly Cat
24/01/10 00:11 Filed in: Guy
I am the Ugly Cat and I want you to love me.
I will purr for you.
Sit on your feet in order to warm them.
Scratch your back with my razor-sharp claws.
Klamm Tchow-Dorr
23/01/10 00:47 Filed in: Bert
Klamm Tchow-Dorr the Conqueror's spaceship approached the unsuspecting planet.
The Evil One sat in the command center, observing the viewscreen.
"Prepare the antigrav weapons!" he ordered.
No one answered him, he was all alone.
The crew had gone off on a coffee break.
The Glop
22/01/10 01:12 Filed in: Benjamin
The Glop is not animal, vegetable or mineral.
It's more microbiological.
Except it grew right out of the test tube and kept on going.
Its purpose: unknown.
Seymour Sinus
21/01/10 02:04 Filed in: Robert
Seymour Sinus is a monster whose lungs are on his face.
It's not a pretty sight to see him breathe.
And when he sneezes!
You don't know where to hide to avoid it.
The Monster Politician
20/01/10 00:20 Filed in: Guy
“Trust Me” he says.
But would you really?
I know I wouldn’t.
Come election time, I’m voting for another horrific monster.
Brutorr
19/01/10 00:33 Filed in: Bert
Brutorr is a strong monster.
He is ten feet tall.
He can bend steel beams with his bare hands.
He chews bricks in his mouth and spits out pebbles.
He is the black belt karate champion on 15 worlds.
His favorite color is pink.
Shell on his Back
18/01/10 01:38 Filed in: Benjamin
This monster has a shell on his back, just like a turtle.
Laser beams bounce off his back when he is in combat.
But that doesn't mean he likes to swim.
Oh, no.
The chlorine in the swimming pool gives him skin rashes.
Herbert the Vampire
Herbert the Vampire was caught in a tornado.
He can't escape the twister.
Now the sun has come out and he is being slowly shish kebabed inside the vortex.
Burn, evil vampire, burn!
(guest artist: Pierre Otis)
Climbot
16/01/10 00:45 Filed in: Guests
Sometimes I go without the rope....
(guest artist: Another great contribution from Nugo11. See more of his work here)
Bad Dresser
15/01/10 00:18 Filed in: Guy
Bad Dresser doesn't like to shop for clothes.
He's been wearing the same black leotards for years now.
He thinks he looks cool...
Someone should tell him the Culture Club look is no longer in.
The 100-foot fat lady
14/01/10 00:21 Filed in: Bert
The 100-foot fat lady that is going to step on me
Is very angry.
I called her tubby and to stop hogging the road.
She didn't take it too well at all.
Goodbye, cruel world...
Fleur-De-Lys
13/01/10 00:05 Filed in: Benjamin
Fleur-De-Lys is a monster knight who is off to slay a dragon and free the princess who is being held captive.
He will stab the fire-breather with his sword and knock him out with his stick.
The princess will be so grateful, she might even give him a kiss.
But don't be too jealous of Fleur-De-Lys...
Because the princess is a monster too!
Michael Mandible
12/01/10 00:26 Filed in: Robert
Michael Mandible likes to chew the fat.
He hangs around outside the general store, waiting for something to talk about.
The color of a newer car model rolling by...
What date is Mrs. Hudson expecting her new child...
What's the best insecticide around the house...
Karate Crusher
11/01/10 00:40 Filed in: Guy
I am the Karate Crusher and I'd like to give you a free self defense lesson!
No? You'd rather pass?
Wait, don't run off just yet!
I still want what's in your wallet, heh heh heh...
Sunday Sam
10/01/10 00:32 Filed in: Bert
Sunday Sam is a preacher man.
He wants men and monsters to love each other.
Live in harmony forever and ever.
Amen!
Krapamousse
09/01/10 00:05 Filed in: Benjamin
Krapamousse likes to play baseball and would like to become a professional ball player when he grows up.
He would like to be drafted by the American League for the New York Yankees.
Derek Jeter is his idol, so he wants to be short-stop too.
We're not too sure if he would be allowed in the club however.
There must be a rule in the book against wearing a mitt on your head!
Grinning Idiot
08/01/10 02:48 Filed in: Robert
Grinning Idiot is always just a little too eager and jovial.
Sometimes other people enjoy a little calm and quiet, but Grinning Idiot cannot stand still.
Let's go party! Won't that be fun! Look at the new hats! Don't you think the new hat fashions are terrific? Tomorrow I was thinking of jumping off a cliff on a hang glider!
Yes, why don't you do that, Grinning Idiot?
Ludwig
07/01/10 01:03 Filed in: Guy
Ludwig is in a band called the Feminine Skulls.
He sings songs like, “I’m with the Outer Space Pumpkin”...
Or “Cute monster girls never invite me”...
And their masterpiece, “Nobody understands the monster inside my head!”
Robot of Doom
06/01/10 00:38 Filed in: Bert
Die, puny human!
Taste my electro disintegrator beam, ha! ha! ha!
(Click! Click!)
Wait a minute...
What's happening?
I did what?
Left the power switch to "on" and the batteries have all discharged?
The powerful green potato monster
05/01/10 01:50 Filed in: Benjamin
The powerful green potato monster eats only French fries.
That's why he is so full of gas.
That gas keeps accumulating in his belly, day by day.
When you least expect it he will go, POW!
And blast off into space.
The Mutants
04/01/10 01:41 Filed in: Guests
It's not the fault of the Mutants that they are the way they are.
They were born that way.
They have the strange and mysterious power to smell a roasting cheeseburger from a mile away.
It's both a gift and a curse.
(guest artist: Pierre Otis)
Power Skull
03/01/10 00:39 Filed in: Guy
I am Power Skull, a super hero who had his head zapped by a ray gun.
I still fight for truth, justice and the American way...
But lately, however, I have been having trouble remembering...
Just what that used to mean exactly.
The skinny alien in high heels
02/01/10 01:36 Filed in: Bert
The skinny alien in high heels came to shop on planet Earth.
For she had heard of Italian leather shoes from far away.
In the Andromeda nebula to be exact.
Fortunately, the shoe store in Milan accepted a solid 5 pound bar of platinum in exchange for each shoe.
The Potato Chip Monster
01/01/10 01:17 Filed in: Benjamin
The Potato Chip Monster sure looks yummy.
He even smells like sea salt and vinegar.
You might be in a good mood right now, Potato Chip Monster...
But someone is bound to take a bite out of you!